Empathy and Sympathy. I used to be the most sympathetic and empathetic person I knew. Something broke.
Today I was thinking that before my husband passed I could see an animal that was knocked over and have such a soft heart and shed a tear. I’d feel sad when somebody died and wonder what that feeling was like. I’d been protected. Before him, well to say I’ve still got my kids, my brother and sisters, my parents are still going strong, so nothing could prepare me for that first loss. Automatically empathy kicked in when someone else lost their partner at a young age and was left with little ones to raise on their own. My feelings of sadness when an animal was left laying dead on the side of the road were replaced with yes, it’s sad but not in a class of human loss of life. I’d become harder.
Then I was diagnosed with MS when I was 34. I’ve now realized that people who are on their deathbeds when they have nothing more than the sniffles or a stomach ache are the biggest babies. I find myself in pain and I won’t complain because I don’t want sympathy. I’ll deal with it. It’s part of my life. I am stronger than those babies. I want to scream at them and tell them to wake the Flower up. I’ve become harder yet.
I won’t even mention the hell I’ve been through on numerous occasions. Nobody has had to live my life, and if you’d try park your pretty petunia’s in my boots, you’d commit suicide in 5 seconds.
I don’t know if I can be fixed to feel sympathy anymore. I can empathize with those who I can relate to, but please do not ask me to sympathize when you’ve broken your toe. My life has been filled with enough pain for 10 lifetimes. I was such a baby but life made me grow up. I don’t know if I could find that person I was 15 years ago, and don’t know if I want to find all of her. All I know is life makes you stronger or it breaks those who don’t have guts to grow some nuggets. I’ll keep mine thank-you.
But before I go I will say that even though I cannot sympathize because you threw you oars away and are up shit creek because of your poor choices, I will still help where I can and can still put the needs of others before mine. It seems I have to get bigger ones and harden up some more.