“Without faith to act as a governor, the human mind is a runaway worry generator, a dynamo of negative expectations. And because your life is yours to shape as you wish with free will, if you entertain too much anxiety about too many things, if you place no trust in providence, what you fear will more often come to pass. We make so many of our own troubles, from mere mishaps to disasters, by dwelling on the possibility of them until the possible becomes inevitable.” – Dean Koontz – Odd Apocalypse

By murphysmadhouse

Grandma (giving new meaning to the phrase grab a granny)

Nobody prepared me for the day I’d become a ‘grandmother’. That ‘word’ has been a swear word for the past few months and still feels foreign even though for those few months I’ve been trying to prepare myself for this. I suppose tweaking the ‘word’ slightly to ‘Nana’ or so seems to make it better.

My brain just did not compute that at 38 I’d be a grandmother while others out there are only starting their journeys into parenthood. Wasn’t I relieved when I discovered that I didn’t hold the record for being the youngest. She was 23 and I googled that (blush) ;).

Further complicating matters was concerning myself with what others might think, but my situation is not unique by any means. We raise our kids to the best of our abilities but their comes a time when they follow their own path and start making their own choices, whether good or bad, right or wrong. Do we stop loving them? No, love them nonetheless if not more.

Last night at 11:48 my granddaughter was born. I have not anticipated the amount of love I would feel when I saw that first picture. I never had a daughter of my own, even though I hoped I would, but instead have been blessed with her.

So it seems in all the worrying, fighting and confusion when this little girl was born, so was a Grandmother.

By murphysmadhouse

2012 the end is nigh

Ugh, lost my password and the place I’ve been in has kept me from bothering retrieving it. I mean if you can’t remember your arse from your elbow do you think I can remember which e-mail address I registered under? But, I obviously had a brain fart and remembered after the kazzillionth try, okay okay, I’m exaggerating, but aren’t I always? 🙂

Currently living the life of whoop di freaking do. Tell all … No … Tell some pending.

Worst of my year was Michael telling me his gf was pregnant. Best was when she was born. She’s the most gorgeous little angel.

Post on what it was like becoming a grandma and pics pending.

Currently, I’m on temporary disability due to the MS. Fighting the depression and forgetfulness demons I feel like a dragon slayer already. Just not knowingv where I am headed and living in limbo has been placing unecessary weight on my shoulders.

Learning new things which have kept me occupied and given me loads of time to think. Pics pending on this too.

Also trying to sort out my faith in this time too. I’m sure God will forgive my moods because he can see what’s happening in ‘Houston’.

By murphysmadhouse