19 Feb – 8 year Mark

Just what exactly am I feeling today.  It’s been 8 years. 8 years since my life took a different direction.  I feel stronger, more independent and yet on a day like today, I remember.  I remember what I had, I remember what I miss.  Okay, so I’m with somebody else, but, is that really where I want to be.  I thought so, but is it really what I wanted?  Why do I stay when my heart tells me I should go?  Because I don’t want to hurt anybody, and also scared of destroying the progress I’ve made with the boys.  I keep telling him that if he continues to drink I’m going… sure, because I wasn’t working for 3 months I was using him a bit.  Because of the verbal abuse anything I felt is gone.  God could restore this, but and theres the problem, the but….  After last weekends excuse because it was my birthday he drank and celebrated and I dont’ drink, so the point was what exactly?  Lets see what this weekend brings, he’s promised, I put my foot down, and if he can’t leave it, I know what I have to do.  It’s going to destroy me if it continues, ugh.